The Kuwaiti Experiment
Whoa...serious blog rule breakage going on here. I havn't typed up anything for the faithful in some time now. But hey, throw me a freakin' bone here...I am fighting a war, dang.
Well, for all of you at home I have cooked up an experiment for you to try. With the proper following of these instructions you will achieve the long sought after and once thought fabled life of a soldier at war.
Here goes:
1. Start up a lawn mower and place it outside your bedroom window. This effect achieves the constant generator noise that just lulls a person to sleep.
2. Go and fill up a 5 gallon bucket full of sand and dirt. Next, throw said bucket of sand and dirt onto floor. Finally, run and jump around to stir up a fine layer of dust so that it settles on everything. (for special results find a super fan and have it blowing through your front door the whole day to give constant stirring effect of sand and dirt)
3. Take your clothes and wear them for about 4 days without washing. Next find the favorite spot your pet uses as the bathroom and place your clothes there for the rest of the week. Then once the week is up don your new outfit. Booya! You have now achieved the smell that one soldier acquires in a day.
4. Shrink yourself down to miniscule proportions, place all of the above instruments necessary to this experiment inside your oven. Preheat oven to 115 degrees F and viola...not only are you the worlds smallest man (think Guiness Book of World Records) you now know what it feels like to be a thanksgiving ham.
5. Finally, to bring this experiment to its full and final conclusion, you must vow to never use indoor plumbing again. First build a tin rectangle with a toilet in it. Set out in the above mentioned 115 degree heat, remove all ventilation and lighting. Next, go to the nearest shoe store, permanently borrow the balls of tissue they stuff down into the toe of the shoes, cut tissue into rough dimensions of TP and there you have it. Your very own experience of what it is like to take a shizzy in the desert.
Please enjoy, and keep me updated on how your own personal results turn out, and remember this experiment is currently being ran by the professionals who volunteered for it.
Well, for all of you at home I have cooked up an experiment for you to try. With the proper following of these instructions you will achieve the long sought after and once thought fabled life of a soldier at war.
Here goes:
1. Start up a lawn mower and place it outside your bedroom window. This effect achieves the constant generator noise that just lulls a person to sleep.
2. Go and fill up a 5 gallon bucket full of sand and dirt. Next, throw said bucket of sand and dirt onto floor. Finally, run and jump around to stir up a fine layer of dust so that it settles on everything. (for special results find a super fan and have it blowing through your front door the whole day to give constant stirring effect of sand and dirt)
3. Take your clothes and wear them for about 4 days without washing. Next find the favorite spot your pet uses as the bathroom and place your clothes there for the rest of the week. Then once the week is up don your new outfit. Booya! You have now achieved the smell that one soldier acquires in a day.
4. Shrink yourself down to miniscule proportions, place all of the above instruments necessary to this experiment inside your oven. Preheat oven to 115 degrees F and viola...not only are you the worlds smallest man (think Guiness Book of World Records) you now know what it feels like to be a thanksgiving ham.
5. Finally, to bring this experiment to its full and final conclusion, you must vow to never use indoor plumbing again. First build a tin rectangle with a toilet in it. Set out in the above mentioned 115 degree heat, remove all ventilation and lighting. Next, go to the nearest shoe store, permanently borrow the balls of tissue they stuff down into the toe of the shoes, cut tissue into rough dimensions of TP and there you have it. Your very own experience of what it is like to take a shizzy in the desert.
Please enjoy, and keep me updated on how your own personal results turn out, and remember this experiment is currently being ran by the professionals who volunteered for it.
posted by Jonathan Davis at
12:30 PM
1 Comments:
I tried to do the experiment, but I got mixed up. I poured the sand down my toilet and took a dump in my oven. Needless to say... Alisha's pissed.
Side notes: Viola? And who eats a Thanksgiving HAM?
By
Chase Abner, at 9:31 AM
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